Rhod Gilbert on BBC Radio Wales.

If you are listening to this, you are listening to Rhod Gilbert's Best Bits, some of the best bits of my Saturday morning radio show live on BBC Radio Wales. This week, I'm in my kitchen in London. I'm joined by Chris Corcoran. And Greg Davies may drop in.

Rhod Gilbert live on BBC Radio Wales, Coffee Morning, 11 till 12, my guest, Chris Corcoran. 12 till 1 after the news, weather, travell and stuff, is Rhod's Lunch Club with my guest Chris Corcoran. But what we don't know at the moment is whether ... It's quite exciting. The beauty of Coffee Morning and Lunch Club is that, it's ... it's here from your house, anyone can drop in at any point. I've texted Greg Davies, and he has said, uh, he's got terrible hangover, he's not sure ... / Huh, jeopardy is just too much. / Well, I said, "To be honest with you ..." ... Listen, he says, "I'll let you know, I'm not sure. I can't tell how bad this hangover is. ... / Yeah? / ... I can't tell if I'm coming over." / And I said, "Look. To be honest, I've told that to the listeners. It's a proper w__ w__ ... / Yeah? / ... it's really exciting __ you've probably done enough. / Yeah yeah yeah. / Don't worry about it. ... Don't bother coming in. / ... Has he got back to you yet? / Yeah. He says "Get a phone vote going." / Huh. Good idea. / I presume he means, if there is enough people, uh, phone in and say we wanna hear Greg Davies on the show, he'll come along. / He'll come along, yeah. / And, if there is not enough, / Yeah, / ... I don't know what "enough" is ... uh ... he won't come. He does say, "Tell them to factor in that I've just had scrambled eggs and I don't know how well __ __ gonna s__." / R ... right. / ... so ... factor that in, ladies and gentlemen, 0 3 700 101 ... / Get involved. / ... 10 is the number to ring if you want to ... oh, go on, people, text 8 10 12 just ... just for the satisfaction of knowing that you have got Greg Davies out of his sick bed, ... / Yeah, / ... his hangover bed and dragged him half way across London pointlessly.

This, uh, is, uh, Rhod Gilbert live / with Mr. Chris Corcoran / Rhod's Coffee Morning / and, uh / text / Greg D__ / may be popping in / that's the nature of / kitchen, live in London / people just pop in / they don't / if you are a regular listener / know how massively disappointing all this is. Uh ... G__ D__ / people / if / enough people __ text in / email / he will come over. He says, "I won't even consider it / for less than 12 requests / hangover / all the way across London / just because / can / OK / possible / somebody el ... somebody else / bothered / does that cross one out then? / does it, like, counteract one? / 「来るな」という一票は「来い」という一票を打ち消す？ / positive / いや。「来い」という票だけをとにかく数えて、「来るな」という票は無視しよう。 / OK. / yeah / look / so far / just / Greg Davies will be coming across ... / Yeah. / ... London, dragging himself / if we don't get enough he won't come / here we are, eh?

I don't have the patience for DIY. I've come to __ conclusion / this is how / hey, here's a feature / how impatient are you? / That's a good one. / let me ... let me / get to the point / this week ... this week, ... this ... this is the feature: "How impatient are you?" Jot it down, Korkey. / Yeah. / pen or paper / you're holding / pen and paper / I'm giving it to you there / 'cause I'm __ __ tell the story / OK. Wait / I / "How impatient are you?" is the feature / I realized how impatient I was this week / get this / Yeah / behind me, you will see ... no need to mention the brand, but you will see some chesty cough mixture. / Yes / because / I've been ill for two weeks now / chesty cough mixture / doctor 'cause / not gonna bother / which you tell me is going __ / we / __ing cough / I've been taking this all week, / yeah / this chesty cough mixture / this is how impatient I am / Yeah. / I cannot be bothered to pour this slowly and wait for the tea-spoon to fill up. / ... Wow. / I ... this is what I do ... I've realized this week / do / doing it / I / every time / I go to the sink / really quickly over a tea spoon / lose most of it and / suck / mouth / that / That is unbelievable. / unbelievable / I'm too impatient to fill the tea spoon up slowly ... / __ / ... and carefully / What? That is so disfunctional / how impatient is that? / better example of impatience than that? / Well, no. / most impatient / time myself / takes me longer to get to the sink / spoon / slowly and carefully / false economy. / false economy. / how im... / listen to that / it's not even working / ゴホゴホ ... しかも、効いてない ... ゴホゴホ / __ __ __ ... how impatient are you? That is our new feature. / 短気決戦

Well, "Regarding impatience ...", says / tend / swig / from / bottle / love the show / there is that, but I / do that / put / that old wise tale / very accurate / it might be, it might be not. ... It might not be / __ __ __ __ ... that's what you / love me or love me not / Hi Rhod and Korkey. Regarding impatience with cough medicine / yeah, that's the feature. Today's feature, ladies and gentelemen, ... Cough Medicine Impatience / I dispense with / to grug it / straight / bottle / you are not alone / I'm 46 / overdosed yet / as for Greg Davies / coming on ... absolutely he should / after all / TV / for at least a week / sting in the tale. Good work / in / counting / positive one, though / like / up to 3 / Greg / 12 people / Minimum. / minimum before he drags himself / hangover / all the way across / come on the show. / Yeah. / At the moment it's not looking good, ladies and gentlemen.

just took / piece of paper / from Jack / email / you just shook it out vigorously / I / imagine / people too much / let's have a look at this / better / to straighten it out. ... OK? / so far away from your eyes / short-sighted / I was just trying these glasses on / who / glasses / I've no idea. / table / Huh. / I've just discovered / quite good / know / optician's last week. They / told me / need glasses / first time in my life / know / I don't know what to do / glasses / I know / perfect eyesight for / somebody / I was too embarrassed / front and say "What do I do?" ... I've got the prescription. She gave me a thing / glasses / test / sent / they gave me a piece of paper / 視力検査の結果、メガネが必要だということがわかった。しかし、メガネを買うにはどこへ行けばいいのだ？/ メガネ屋に行けばいいだろ。 / だからよ、オレはメガネ屋にいたんだよ。そこで視力検査してもらってから「メガネが必要」と書かれた紙を渡されて、それっきりだ。オレにどうしろというのだ？ / about two weeks ago / What does it say? ... What / on the piece of paper / it's like / it's like / optitian / speak / you know / like / eyes / Listen, listen / presumably, at the bottom of / who to give it to / but / in / on the paper / doctor / yeah / right? Picture the scene. You are in the doctor's, and they say, / You've got a chest infection, pal. You need anti-biotics / chemist / here's prescription / off you go / right / you need glasses, mate / gave / come home two weeks ago / I don't know what to do next. / my question stands. Where's the bit of paper? What / this is Radio Gold. ... I dig out ... I'll dig it out / my pile of admin / I acknowledge ... I acknowledge that it is a bit weird if you were in an optician's / they say / need / tell / how / see that pile of papers? / they're nice / they're nice, aren't they? / Yeah. / you can have __ if you want / production team just came in our ears and just went, "Music, music, music. ... Are you ... / What's wrong with __ __?

This is BBC Radio Wales. This is Rhod Gilbert live from my kitchen / Lunch Club / Chris Corcoran, and the, uh, possibility / Greg Davies / nothing / so far, he's on three votes. "Hi Rhod and Korkey / let's have a look / bluh bluh bluh / tell Greg to man up. I / 9 A.M. / 4 A.M. I feel awful / year-old girl can do it / a difference / from / massively hangover / in B__. So ... / want / no vote / you know / I, an 18-year-old girl / manage / Greg's 45 / that is true / I'm so impatient I flush the toilet / finish / having a wee." ... Excuse my French / race / level with you / so do I. ... Uh ... "Hi Rhod ..." This is in regards to the, uh ... cough mixture impatience / earlier / so impatient / impossibly impatient / do not wait to fill up a tea spoon / go to the sink / really / quickly / mixture / Yeah, a lot of people / do that / believe that / keep the cold __ any longer than ... / "Don't get Greg in." ... Greg's on 3 points / I think, at the moment / two / just joined / very / come / enough votes, "enough" being 12, he's, uh, in his, uh, estimation / so far, he's got 3 / __ enough / OK. So, that's still 3. "Rhod. Yay. Get Greg in." ... 4 ... "Get Greg in / be fun / optimistically / show / I get paid for it. It's all right. / you're welcome / Get him in, Rhod. Being / stop you turning up, if not / be on top form. / That is true. / Yeah. But what I've realized / from your house / doing / show / nice atmosphere / doing it from your own kitchen / nice / kitchen / hop out of __ bed / unfortunately, though, / producer / come round / get you out of bed / 自宅から放送するのは便利なんだが、二日酔いだから休ませてくれってのが通用しないんだ。スタッフに叩き起こされる。 / of course / no, I haven't / I always tend to, uh, look angry / photograph / partly / that / 6 for Greg / hello / Good point, __ in __. You're quite right / was a mistake. Come on / that's 8 / getting / ... "Tell Greg to stay where he is. The show's great without him. / Bring back / Human B__ / so, still on 8 ... for Greg to / to get / Greg / worth of votes / yeah

Hello, Rhod / how / Chris's sirname / this is from Mrs. N__ Jones. / Huh, / really traditional Welsh email / sirname / I'm just knitting him a hat. ... N__ J__, ... just put his first name on it / knit / his full name? ... Who has a hat with "Mr. Chris Corcoran" written on it / 帽子にフルネームを刺繍するってのも珍しい / Mr. / middle name / Mr. / Yes, please. ... That's / really / don't / a hat / got a hat / that is true / thanks / that'd be amazing / listen to this / random / email / Hi Rhod and Korkey / really / suggestion / anyone else / get out of bed / show / get / good bits / ten hours ahead of you / I don't wanna stay awake if / if nothing better / ahead of / if / nothing better coming up / back to bed / through your, um, / letter / come back to __ old optician / That could be good / uh ... ladies and gentlemen / told me I needed glasses / they gave me a little thing, a __script thing / left there two weeks ago / I don't know what to do now. / how / glasses / think / worth waiting for / we / I was in the optician's / didn't give me glasses / is confusing / some glasses / that. Go on, make sense of that / from a well-known, high street ... uh ... others ... others are available, if / name of it / high-street optician's / yeah / name / be quick / just say that / I think / what it is / What? / Well, apparently ... / Yeah, / said / you are short-sighted, you need glasses for reading / but / numbers / numbers on it / they also said you are ... distance short-sighted, so you / first pair / distance and near / two pairs / of glasses / same shop, I imagine. / Yeah. But where? I was in the optician's. It's like / pair of pants / need some trousers / mate / yeah / other shops are available / in / certain age / ladies and gentlemen / big news / in __ modern age / thank you for subscribing to your / brand-name / so, apparently / the image ... the image captured today ...", which is / picture of my eyes / OK / image / captured today will be manipulated / clinical format / into a visible image / I think / stands out quite strongly / in the past / Sony a__ again / yeah / listen. This is important 'cause this is the answer for you / I don't understand what you / don't get me wrong / off-air / important / concentrate / on air / cut to the chase. What / summerize, summerize / personal / host / internet / and you buy glasses / there / buy / that is ridiculous / It is ridiculous. / I need glasses. / Yes. / Right? I don't need / personalized / on the interenet / オレはメガネを買いたいだけだ。インターネット上でセキュアにホストされたスペースなんかいらん。/ you don't need / have to read ... in order to de__ / how / glasses / say / want / go / hosted / area / it's ridiculous / this letter / understand / what letter? / Who said that?

Greg D__ / 11 / at the moment / I'm too impatient to wait and see / DVD / again / so, that was ... I think / come on / so / almost / going backwards. ... "Hi / tell / over to yours / love / in Cardiff" That is 2 / takes Greg / he said, ... he said / beyond the threshold / tipped over, mate / you / thing / I'm almost angrier / 11 people who did vote than those who didn't / responsible / this humiliation / I just put, "See you in a minute." / we are / way over. Uh ... / forgot / just I'm jealous of people / go / next / day / partly / that / good afternoon, Rhod and __y / from / get Greg on the show / 15 / bed / Greg / week / backside / listening / sorry, everyone. ... So, / up to, uh, 15 Let's close that now / closed / Greg D__ is / dear / who's Greg D__?" says __ / get Greg on / only fair / building for him / give / currently / collect my daughter" ... Good __ you / extra information / well over the 12 ... the 12 / popularity context that Greg wanted / in Cardiff / the, uh, production / know / same headphone / as / listeners' benefit / Rhod / Dr. / play that next / I said, "Yeah, OK." / 12:55 / 43 seconds / yeah / and I said to her, "Have you / heard / this show / when / 12:55 / 43 seconds / everybody / we will be going / How are you gonna do this now? / I'm just gonna try / as slick as / want me to be / So, how long / I have got / just ... just less than ... uh ... 5 minutes. / 5 minutes? OK. Good. / that's the time / clock / already / 43 / all we've got to do now is / Greg D__ is racing over / text from him / I'm on my way / I'm actually / I'm furious ... furious with you and your 35 listeners / come on, Greg / people switching / almost worth it / whole / light-hearted gambol through the newspapers yet / oh / do a quick version / view / OK / life in space / not as we know it / space / who would you ask / old / captain / no / W__ S__ says, / any doubt / all / medical advice / be all right / let's have a look. Uh ... what else have we got? / worm / news / only 25% of the country have seen a __ worm / what / everywhere / kids / were everywhere / what / normal earthworm, ladies and gentlemen / No. / poor man's snake / legless lizard / that's what it is / in / 70 / in out garden, when we were kids / my parents were lazy / long grass / 70's / up to our chests / yeah / garden / my / full of a__ / deadly / snake / every now and again / lift up a stone / lift / stone / 80's / without finding / everywhere / maybe / small / small snake / yes, I reckon so / pet one / s__ worm / that's what people used to do / no / nobody / pet one / worms / snakes / little / legless lizard / legless / not happy about it, mate. / How / difference / little slots / yes / all right / on / A__ __

Uh, anyway ... listen / Greg Davies / __ing his way over / show ends / about / gotta play / Feel Good / say good-bye after this.

This is Rhod Gilbert with ... pretty much / just / from / ongoing drama / tell your listeners, I am stuck in traffic with a hangover / he swears / thanks / bed / Greg Davies / appearing / will be here soon.

why / BBC Radio Wals, 11 till 1.

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